Why British think 80% of Malaysians coming to UK to study law?

Here’s something to laugh about when it comes to Malaysian using Manglish in UK. =p

UK Immigration Officer: Purpose of visit?

Visitor: I’m here to study law, sir.

Officer: You know, you must have a lot of lawyers in Malaysia .

Visitor: Why do you say that?

Officer: Well, i’ve been here for a good twenty years, and I’d say 80% of
Malaysians I see here say they’re here to read law.

Visitor: Oh, really? That’s really something i never knew. Hard to believe in fact.

Officer: Just you watch, then. You just stand here until the next Malaysian comes along, and I’ll bet he’s here to read law.

*Visitor waits for 5 mins, Ah Chong from Malaysia comes to immigration
counter*

Officer: Mr. Ah Chong, purpose of visit?

Ah Chong: Study lorr…

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Oh My Gawd!!!

6 seconds to 100KM/hour, running 200KM/hour in housing area road……………. in a freakin CLK (Cacated-Large-Kembara) . No Way!!! That’s freakin ridiculous ! The Max speed for Kembara is only 180KM/hour and nobody would actually reach that speed before the engine blows.

Yeah, I would have expected that. I just realized that the damn speedometer was faulty. I was shocked when the gauge went pass 180KM/hour. Gees, luckily I’m not on the highway. Else, I wouldn’t know what speed i’m actually & it would result getting summon. As I was thinking,  something pop up in my mind. A scenario that might happen if I’m being stopped by the police.

Here goes….

Police : Kamu nak pergi mana ?

Me : Balik rumah, tuan.

Police : Tahu tak, berapa laju kamu jalan tadi ?

Me : Er, entah. Meter dah lebih 180KM, tapi macam slow je.

Police : Mana boleh lebih. Jangan main-main dengan saya.

Me : Betul la. Saya takde main. Saya rasa meter dah rosak kot.

Police : Meter rosak ke, tak rosak pun kamu dah lakukan kesalahan. Kamu pandu melebihi had kelajuan. Saya terpaksa saman kamu.

Me : Saya betul-betul tak tahu, tuan. Tak saman tak boleh ke ?

Police : Tak boleh. Ini peraturan. Kamu dah langgar peraturan. Bagi IC kamu.

Me : (Passes my IC to the police).

Police : Sekarang, I bagi you saman. Tapi ni saman RM300 tau ?

Me : Wah ! Saman banyak mahal.

Police : Ya lah. Ini memang kompaun biasa. Macam mana nak settle?

Me : (Act blur knowing that he’s asking for duit kopi) Apa lagi macam mana. Saya dah salah ma. Saman saja lah!

 

Now playing: Didoisobel

PARENT – Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, none of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa

JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered ; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.